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KRONNER: (43 years old) Kronner is the leader of the group. He's a gruff, tough roughneck, with a weakness for crossword puzzles and a fondness for beef-jerky-sticks, 4-alarm chili and Chihuahuas.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he usually saves the day with his crude, macho methods. At first glance he seems rather nutty, but when you get to know him, you will realize he's actually quite insane. He has 4 ex-wives and is working on a fifth.
POWERS: None, other than the ability to operate heavy machinery like forklifts, steam shovels, and bulldozers. All the other guys look up to him because he was a demolition man in the army and knows how to blow things up. |
RANDY EITENHOCKER 28 (Bojo): Randy is a contractor and house-framer. He is addicted to Nascar, Dr. Pepper, and can't see why wood paneling and Members-Only jackets are out of style. He is easygoing, but very self-confident.
He really holds the team together, balancing Kronner's John Wayne personality with those of the other more sensitive and emotional members.
POWER: Randy has a magic lasso he bought on eBay. |
JOE FRANKIE 25 (The Yodeling Odeo): A wanna-be Rock'n'Roller who plays weekends at the Holiday Inn out on State Route 341. He works at Kinko's. Joe looks at everything from the viewpoint of Rock'n'Roll lyrics.
POWER: His guitar. Lee Atwater taught Randy the sacred lost reverb chord, before Lee died of a brain tumor. He can emit the lost chord with his guitar and modulate it with his pick, frets, slide, and whammy bar with varying effects. The guitar also works as a machine gun. |
WOODY HONKACHUK 21 (Honkey): The only Canadian member of the group, Woody is always anxious to prove that Canadians are just as good as Americans when it comes to fighting crime; and, when it comes to women, even better at love. Woody delivers pizzas for a living.
POWERS: Woody is (believe it or not) a suave, smooth-talkin' ladies man who also wields a mean hockey stick. He has a "Van Allen Belt" that emits weird sounds and mysterious radiations. He's not sure what these radiations actually do, but it can freak the hell out of villains, monsters and household pets. |
DALE GIEFER 22 (Dark Rider): He's the quiet one. He is sensitive and artistic, he writes poems and songs, but he is also a big fan of "The A-Team" and "Dukes of Hazard." Dale works at Kinko's with Joe. He has a really long cape that gets caught on things a lot.
POWER: He has the ability to control furniture with his mind. |
UFA LANDO: He's a midget, and the guys all agree that it's very cool to have a midget on the team. The fact that he has his own private jet is just icing on the cake.
POWER: He has forty-league boots and can jump over buildings, or make really good time cross-country. |